DAIRY OF A DIVORCEE

शायद पहली बार तारीख लिख रही हूँ दिल से डायरी के इन पन्नो पर… क्योंकि अब फ़र्क ही नही पड़ता दिन, दिवस वार से….. वक़्त तो शायद ठहेर सा गया है.

एक अजीब सी उदासी ने घेर रखा है मुझे.. पुराने मेल देखने के बाद, तुम्हारे मेल्स पढ़े मैने जो शादी के पहले तुम मुझे भेजा करते थे. मैं घंटो उस पल का बेसब्री से इंतेज़ार करती थी कि कब तुम्हे फ़ुर्सत मिलेगी और कब मैं मेल पढ़ूंगी.. मैं कितनी खुश हुआ करती थी तुम्हारे लिखे चार पंक्तियों को पढ़ कर…न अजाने कितनी बार उनको पड़ती जैसे लगता था कि शायद याद कर लूँ …तुम्हारे स्वभाव के बारे मे बहुत कुछ समझ चुकी थी पर ना जाने क्यों सब कुछ जान कर भी अंजान्ं बनी रही…शायद ये हालात उन लोगो के होते हैं जिनपर ज़बरदस्ती शादियाँ तोप दी जाती हैं और "अरेंज्ड मॅरेज” का नाम दे दिया जाता है| मैं मन ही मन कितने ख्वाब सज़ा लेती थी इस रिश्ते को लेकर…तुम मुझे डाट कर फोन रखते थे तो लगता था की शायद तुम्हे अपनी ‘वाइफ ‘ मे यह बातें नही पसंद हे तो खुद से प्रॉमिस किया करती थी की बदल डालूंगी हर उन आदत को जो तुम्हे पसंद नही हैं| मिटा दूँगी सारी आदत को जो मेरी पहचान हुआ करती थी जिसके कारण लोग मुझे पसंद करते थे ..इतनी बातें होती. it’s still surpring की मे तुम्हारे cruel intentions को पहचान नही पाए….

पिछले सालों मे मैं कितनी बदल गयी हूँ … …when I look at myself in the mirror mujhe lagta he ki I am looking at a complete stranger ….skin is still visible but as if I have lost my soul……तुमने मुझसे सब कुछ छीन लिया हैं….. मेरी मासूमियत, बचपाना, मुस्कुराहट, शरारते सब कुछ…तुमने ना सिर्फ़ मेरी जिस्म बल्कि मेरी आत्मा को भी तार तार कर दिया…मेरी इज़्ज़त की धज्जियाँ उड़ा दी..बहुत गुस्सा, नाराज़गी भरा था मेरे अंदर पर अब सिर्फ़ दुख और खामोशी के अलावा कुछ भी बचा नही....इसलिए अब शायद कोई अफ़सोस भी है तो इस बात का कि मेरा परिवार तुम्हारे मासूम चेहरे के पीछे चीपे शैतान को नही पहचान पाया.

A story of a Sufferer

I am going to tell you the true story of a girl. I knew her very well and in order to respect her feeling, I just want to share her false identity happened with her.

Name - Irawati
Age - Around 28-29 yrs
Class- Upper class family
Qualifications- Post graduate , Govt. employee now
Physical stature- Humped back, height- around 4.5-7 feet, 

                             Complexion - dark, Voice - Male like
Marital status - Married

Children - One Daughter
Husband - Mentally disturbed, have nothing to earn, belongs to poor class but terrific handsome.

Story : - 

She got married 5 years back. She is more talented but because of her physical stature, she wasn't considered as eligible for marriage. She was prepared to lead her life with her own caliber but her parents, for the sake of her security, tie her the wedding knot to a poor class boy. He was quite handsome, but idle and nothing to do of his own. The groom's parents for a fair dowry had agreed their boy to tie the knot with her.

Irawati's parents gave her a large amount of jewellery as dowry, thought that her in-laws will keep her happy.  But soon after the marriage, they got changed and started demanding more money and also told her do a job to arrange more money for them.  So she started to earn. Her in laws sent her husband to the firm where she is working to inquire that how much she earns and how much she hides in her earning. In addition to that her husband started humiliating her before her colleagues. Because of this, she left so many jobs. The humiliation to her grew higher, physically abused by her husband and in laws. 

They often drag her out of their house, even though they said that they have obliged her family otherwise no one was there to hold their daughter's hand and their boy is terrific handsome.
In midst of all these things, she became pregnant and one day, they physically assault her even in her pregnancy. She escaped from there and went to her parent’s house.

Her parents got fed up and filed a case against her in-laws. Her husband went to them and apologized for all his actions and took her back home after her delivery. She gave birth to a daughter but nothing had changed after that, even it became worsen then before. She also discovered that her husband was mentally disturbed by something and because of that, whenever he dragged her out, he apologized to her and wept bitterly before her for his act. But another moment he became as such. 

Finally she decided to leave him and prepared for the government job. After a long struggle, she become a government employee and got satisfied with that to bring up her child on her own caliber. Now, her in laws are forcing her to coming back, but she wants to lead her life of her own along with her child. But even then, she is still waiting for her husband to get recovered from his disorder. Because from any corner of her heart, she loves him. 

She says that "He too loves me but he is not able to judge what is wrong and what is right. I am praying to God for him every day."

Yes!!! I am sexually abused…

From Last one month, I am searching for a real story of women but not able to find it just because no one wants to share their dark side publicly, but finally I got one in my mail…I can say it’s very painful for every girl...

It’s the story of Neena (changed name)

I am writing it in Interview format.

Me: Tell something about your background..

Neena: I got married ten years back and having a eight year old son, working for helping my husband in household expenses... Living in nuclear family…and my son is studying.

Me: When and how you met abuser?

True story of Neena, our intention is to aware people about the girl's life. 

Neena: Actually, the abuser is none other than my husband. This was a five year old story. One night, I was cooking and my husband came from his work place and gave me a cold drink and said that it was a herbal drink and asked to have it. After taking it, I have started feeding my son but I cloud not, I was feeling very sleepy. I was surprised that how I am getting sleep very early but I dint thought much on this and told my husband to feed him since I am going to sleep. He said “finally it worked” but I didn’t suspected much on his words and went to sleep.

I went to sleep but I could not sleep. I was having lots of different sensation in my body; I don’t how to express it with words. I was feeling burning sensation on my body, my body doesn’t reacts, I can listen to all sounds which a normal people can’t able to hear. I was feeling like I lost my control over my body and I have only a mind that can think of it. I have started crying and my tears were coming out from my eyes but I am not able to open my eyes or wipe it.

At that time only, I got that my husband had gave me some drug in that drink and that’s why he didn’t allowed my son to take it and he also refused to drink and now his words “finally it worked” were shouting in my ears but I was not able to understand why he gave it to me.

Suddenly, he came to me when I was thinking all this and in half sleep. He came, sits very near to me and started touching me body. He was touching my body in such a way that it was only a material to use and throw. He started playing with my body and slowly removing my cloths and started biting my all over, I was crying but he didn’t given any attention on it. I was shocked with his behavior and not able think how to react on this. I was not ready for this, suddenly I collect my all will power and put all strength to move my hands, but I could not.. Then finally I hold his hair and throw him a side and he went out and thought to come after some time.

Again after one hour, he came and tried the same. But this time, I stand up on my foot, I was not able to walk properly but still I went to a different room and locked myself. He came there also and started breaking the door and came inside this time he didn’t wait for my sleep but he started doing the same…again I went to different room.

Whole night, he did the same but he didn’t succeed in his aim. Whole night, I was thinking like that I won’t see the next morning and this is my last night.

Me: How it affects you?

Neena: I was in a shock and not sure on how to react on my husband's behavior. Should I fight with him??? Should I say it my parents?? If in case, I want to say this to them, then how to say it? I was not that much close to my parents, even not with my mother... I said this to them, they have just scolded him, but didn’t take any other step. I was emotionally and psychologically disturbed after this incident. I was not able to talk him properly and asked any question but some where I felt everything is dead inside me. I stopped talking with my close friend also.

Me: Have you shared this with anyone?

Neena: After few days, I have started talking with relatives about this, because I was broken and I want to share it and have any suggestion and I was not able to forgive him. Whenever I said this to anyone, they gave me hint that every husband had all rights to do sex with his wife. I was thinking that he had raped me but according to our Indian Society this is not a rape…He has right to do this with me...

Me: Has this affected your romantic relationships? Has it affected your feelings about trust or sex?

Neena: Yes it affected our relation, from that day I didn’t went to near him and I never talked to my husband comfortably. I never trusted him after that. I used to suspect on him always.

Me: Did you take any legal steps?

Neena: No, I did not take any legal step because whenever I share this with any one in relatives, most of  them advised me that somehow and started saying that he has right to do anything. No one is there to support me at that time. So I have decided to suppress my feelings and make myself compromised with him to live on the same house, but I could not able to forgive him. Till now, I am with him but never shared my feelings with him nowadays since we have too much communication gap.   

*****For Reader: Do you know anyone who's been abused? Any questions or suggestions for Neena?

Woman, God's Masterpiece

God formed Adam’s body from the ground and breathed the breath of life into him. In that instant, Adam was fully aware, fully mature and totally equipped for his destiny — with one exception. God’s plan was not yet complete. For the first time in Earth’s short history, the Creator said that something was not good. Until that time, God had announced that everything He had made and done was “good.” But, “The Lord said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him”

He blessed Adam with someone who was more refined than Adam himself. He created Adam’s “match” using that which was taken from Adam’s body and spirit (we are not told that God breathed into Eve’s nostrils—-her life force was the life force God had already placed in Adam). Until that match was made, Adam was incomplete by God’s design. Although Adam was powerful, and perfectly equipped to lead and rule, he was alone—and that wasn’t good in God’s eyes. The completion that comes through godly marriage transcends mere physical union. It symbolizes and prefigures an even greater union between the heavenly Bridegroom and His earthly Bride at the great wedding feast of the Lamb.

God knew what He was doing when He created Eve. He blessed Adam with a beautiful counterpart to surround him with assistance, help, protection and aid. Eve would complete his identity in the earth. She was the one gifted in one-on-one communication who would be quick to take his part in any discussion or announce his gifts to anyone she met.

But now fairy tale is over, these days Gods Eve is facing lots of problem in her life, she has lots of darkness in her inner sense. Still she is doing all her chores like giving care to her children and family, supporting her husband, and all other chores which she has to done.

Here on "Hidden truth of My life" we are trying to share darkness of her life. Darkness of her like Rape, Eve-teasing,  dowry cases, breakup with husband etc.. If you like to share your story on our blog just drop a mail through "Write to me " page.
   

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